I TURNED THIRTY.... a couple of years ago

Turning the big 3-0 was pretty monumental for me, as I imagine it is for many. As a single woman whose eggs were withering away, who wasn’t happy with her job, who wasn’t happy with her body and was mortified daily by her country, I felt the need to do something BIG to show I was still in control GODDAMMIT. It was your average, ‘I’m turning 30’ life crisis, and I decided I'd do my own Eat, Pray, Love adventure to get through mine.

I had always wanted to travel but never did because HELLO, that shit is scary and expensive. But with the end of my 20’s approaching, I decided to take my first trip abroad before my life officially ended (R.I.P my youth). I found the cheapest ticket I could to an international destination and BOUGHT IT. Fuck having a credit card, fuck savings, fuck making plans with someone or plans at all, mama was going to Europe! I went alone to Amsterdam, and it was glorious. It wasn’t some cinematic miracle answer to all my problems. When I got home, I was still unhappy with my career, still unable to love my body and still enraged constantly by ‘murica. But I felt a little stronger and surer of myself. Being someplace new and unknown was scary and forced me to stretch in ways I’m not used to which I liked. I like growing, and learning and travel give me a huge dose of that. It’s also very humbling and makes me feel small. Seeing otherness reminds me I am not the center of the world and my way of life is just one in a billion. Which, weirdly makes me feel more connected to the world. And isn't a connection something everyone wants?

And because I got so much out of that first trip, I made it a priority to travel and vowed to use my passport at least once a year. I don't typically set specific goals and surprise, don't end up accomplishing much. That's why this was a big step for me as an adult; set a specific goal, make decisions to serve that goal on the daily and in the end have something to show for it. And I'm going to do it again but go a little bigger this time. My ultimate goal is for travel to become a part of my livelihood. I want a job that has travel opportunities or is remote enough to enable me to travel more often or the dream; travel literally is the job. I don't know how to make that happen. I figured a good place to start is to say it aloud and put it out there to the universe. Another goal tied into this is to love myself more fully as I am in this moment. I think happiness and success will be more obtainable if self-love is a part of that. Now, these are big goals that feel overwhelming to accomplish, and it's scary as hell so I'll start by focusing on just taking a few first steps. I commit to share honest content weekly and try to be as mindful of this two-fold objective as I can. Who knows if I'll reach my ultimate goal, but any opportunities that arise while moving in that direction have got to be worthwhile

Drinking a beer after a long day of really weird modern art in Amsterdam.

One of the weird pieces of modern art I saw at Stedelijk. It flipped between blasting ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ and silence. I could not stop watching it.

These are 'war fries' or oorlog which is mayo, peanut satay sauce, and raw onions. It seems odd but trust, they are amazing.